The not date is the classic move that should be in every guy’s playbook. Use it to hook a woman who might not be interested in an outright date, or use it to test the waters. This simple move is a way to test the chemistry between you and a woman before you ask her out.
Define the Not Date
To be a real not date, you have to go somewhere with a woman alone and have it not be a date. You can’t just say that it’s not a date and then do a date thing, however. Going to coffee or dinner “as friends” isn’t going to cut it, because everyone knows what that’s code for. To be a real not date, you have to do something with her that you would never ask a date to do. Grocery shopping is a great example. Loading up on pre formed hamburger patties and five bags of plain salad isn’t the type of thing that makes for a good date. As a not date goes, however, it’s the perfect testing ground to see if there’s any spark between you. If there’s sexual tension, you’ll make the most boring trip to the store or the DMV a little brighter just because you get to scope her out. These are perfect testing grounds.
Who You Should Take
Say you’ve been chatting with this one lady all winter. She’s got a cute face, but it doesn’t make it clear what she looks like under those heavy winter layers. Rather than sinking your time and effort into a woman you might have no interest in at all, take her out for a not date. Somewhere you can get that coat off, to start.
On the other hand, if you don’t follow up the not date with a date, it’s the perfect way to end a simmering relationship that you don’t want to simmer anymore. Take a woman who might like you and bring her along on a not date, and you can watch the hope that the two of you will be together die a soft death in her eyes. No fall out, no hurt feelings, just an unmistakable signal that you’re not interested.
The Philosophy Behind It
Sometimes, a man and a woman go on a date and they both know that things aren’t going to work out. There’s no hard feelings, no awkward conversations, and they both feel at peace because they gave it a shot. This happens once in every billion first dates. The rest of the time? Hurt feelings, awkwardness, and one person who thought the date went way better than the other. You don’t want to risk a bad first day (and resulting fallout) with a woman if you haven’t even decided if you’re really interested in her that way.
Keep a list of not dates in mind. Shop for gifts for your mother or sister; pick up bathroom cleaning products, that sort of thing. If there’s a spark, it’ll shine through the mundane, and if there is one you’d like to extinguish you can do that with one afternoon.